i can hardly leave my bed

by Philippa Zang

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released April 12, 2015

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Philippa Zang Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

genre fluid and gender fluid fuxx witmee

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Track Name: i'm not productive!
i can't cook!
why can't you cook?
cause it reminds me of him!
i can't sleep!
why can't you sleep?
cause it reminds me that i'm not productive!

i'm not productive!
Track Name: stress for me, stress for my body
stress causes sickness all over your body
stress wastes time and makes you want to sleep
stress makes you look better than you do
stress makes me want to kiss you

but i can't
not for a good while
i can't kiss you
not for a long while
and i
am feeling really tired
i've cried every night
except for this one
because i'm too tired even to cry tonight

stress
has cursed me with a setback
i'd tell you what's wrong but that'd be gross and icky !

so
stick around for a while
you make me smile
and want to kiss you
but

i can't
not for a long while
i can't kiss you
not for a good while
and i
am feeling really tired
i've cried every night
except for this one
because i am too tired to cry tonight
turn out the light!
Track Name: i can hardly leave my bed
we had waves
we had dips
i held onto
all the good moments
it sounded good from afar
like an ocean you couldn't see
but thre trash got close to me
plastic bags on my toes you see
so we ended it

i can hardly leave my bed
rather stay high in my head
than think about you
than think about you
Track Name: healthy crop of hair
the air smells like fall, but it's about to be spring
i got that fresh start mentality
i wanna go, but my legs wont move
my eyes are fleeting and my skin is thin
something about the way that you look in my eyes
something that keeps me from starting to rise
now i'm too lazy even to think
overthinking thinking put me on the brink

now i'm just wondering if it was
my fault
you closed your eyes
so i wouldn't see you cry
the next morning you woke up
and apologized
i never really
figured out how to feel

my momma told me that i was born with a healthy crop of hair
i told my daddy that he wasn't going anywhere
he left real soon
and now i call him just to say good night
i should probably call him more, but it's not my fault
my plate is chalk full with regret and remark
i'm like a glass bottle at the edge of the road
reflecting the sun and rewriting shadows
that have already been wrote
i guess i'm still awaiting the start
and i feel the least bored
when we are laying in the dark

now i'm just wondering if it was
my fault
you closed your eyes
so i couldn't see you cry
the next morning you woke up
and apologized
i never really
figured out how to feel
Track Name: dried cherries *circle A*
*chewing dried cherries and almonds*

I had a dream
Some nights ago
About a girl with a paint marker
Tagging up the bathroom stalls and
I went in to tag on my own and didn't see her for a few moments
Then she looked at me
With a grin
And she said

Sometimes things don't go the way you plan
But it's inevitable
That if you spend enough time with him he'll come around
Sometimes you try to speak but you can't
Play it off like another moment but for you it's another regret
Most times we all wish for the best
People will think they're special
When you write songs about them
And there's a difference between
Feeling free and wanting to be more than friends

Oh this is just another story
That has to do with dried cherries and almonds
And best friends
In a city where the only thing to think about is where to go when you leave
I think I'll go to Quebec with Ike and Ian and Neil
Test how much he loves her without asking him how he feels
With a ripe mango in one hand and the other hand in a fist
Guitar strapped to my back
And my mouth spitting verses that could tear down the government
Give me twenty four hours
Give me just one "filibuster"
I'll smash the state
Tangent by tangent
If these corporate gods would ever just listen!
If these privileged kids would ever just quiet down
So yeah I'm mad but
Track Name: i like telling lies and mango juice
i like lying to my mom
and digging really deep holes
and jumping without a route of escape
and i hate
how you feel when people look at you
because of me
i want you to be happy
but i am really selfish
and i want you to be with me and
i like
sitting on the roof
and breathing in second hand smoke
so i get the consequence without the pleasure
just like
trying to make my mom proud

i like to cheat on tests
and ruin camping trips for all my friends
im a hard girl to be around
im a hard girl to be around
and i love
eating tacos on porch steps near orlas house
and i like a boy
and i like mango juice

and i hate when my mom disapproves
and i would like to build a door
at the bottom of my staircase
so she can’t listen in when
i make another stupid song
when I’m about to fail a class
does anyone realize how nice
going back in time would be?
i could pass this class
and i could have a little less trouble with honesty
cause honestly
school makes me
feel like dying
and my mom makes me
feel like crying
but most days I’ve got nothing left

i like to cheat on tests
and ruin camping trips for all my friends
im a hard girl to be around
im a hard girl to be around

and i love
eating tacos on porch steps near orlas house
with that boy
and i like mango juice